Opinion: Indoor cycling was better before I had to log in

I used to have a love-hate relationship with indoor training. Over winter, when I used to race ‘cross, I was pretty religious about commuting home from work, then hopping straight on my basic, wheel-on trainer for an hour or so of intervals, with nothing to go on but a stopwatch, a resistance dial, and a heart rate monitor.

For reasons I’ve gone into before, I used overtraining as a handy veil for what basically amounted to an eating disorder, and so I don’t massively look back on this time of my riding life with a great deal of fondness, to the point that I avoided indoor training entirely for many years.

Last year, I finally relented, thanks primarily to the offer of a comped subscription to Zwift and the need to actually review some indoor hardware. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was enjoyable, but I muddled through a handful of sessions and tried to convince myself that racing a random Finn up a pretend volcano on a screen was somehow a substitute for going outside.

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This year, though, I’ve come to realise that I don’t want a virtual world. I just want the ease of my basic, wheel-on trainer and some simple interval sessions, but no matter what I try to do to facilitate this, I run into the same painful headaches.

I don’t know my FTP

With my free Zwift membership over, I scratched around for a solution that best represented my needs, and happened upon the Elite Zona, a bar-mounted control pad that allows one to select a workout zone, which directly communicates with one's smart trainer to change the resistance level to the required level. “Sounds perfect", I thought to myself, before realising I didn’t know my FTP, which was necessary for the Zona to set the zones correctly.

I had my old one from Zwift, but that was a year old, and I’d got a lot fitter in the intervening time thanks to an old injury dissipating. Off to MyWhoosh I went, given it was free, and set about doing an FTP test, which I had to do twice as the first one started at a default, low baseline meaning I maxed out the ramp test, so that was two evenings wasted before I could even use the Zona, but eventually I succeeded in distilling my value as a rider down to a number. (a paltry 259, if you must know).

Once I’d plugged this into the Zona, I could then happily use it to ride at Zone 2 for an indefinite period, but the inbuilt interval sessions were totally useless on account of the device neither having a screen, nor the Elite website having any information on the contents of each interval session. You just have to pick one and ride it blind until either you stop or it does.

Back to the apps

The Zona wasn’t going to cut it, and I was slightly downhearted. MyWhoosh seemed like the best option as it is free, and has intervals, so back in I logged, having got dressed and girded my loins for an hour or so of trying to think about anything else but the task in hand.

Please update to continue.

Alright, let’s update the app then, while I sit, shivering in the garage. That will surely be it, then it’s interval time, right?

No, then I had to download a new map, as the previous map I used was only available on certain days of the week. Only once this was downloaded was I permitted to crack on with a session that was cut short by my phone battery dying on account of the earlier downloads. Give me strength.

Eventually, armed with a fully charged phone, I managed to complete one (1) interval session, but even that was marred by frustrating glitches. The ‘free ride’ session at the end resulted in an infuriating perpetual power spike that meant I had to just call the cool-down early, and any intervals involving sprints couldn’t actually reach peak power. Every time I have come in from the garage, I have felt frustrated rather than invigorated.

I’m buying a stopwatch

I’m not a total luddite, though I do appreciate that the last few paragraphs have painted that picture. Modern smart trainers feel night and day compared to my ‘smash the looms’ wheel-on model, and while I don’t use a power meter I do prefer the better control FTP-based zones give me when actually doing an interval session, so I’m not advocating that anyone ditches their lovely, smooth trainer for something you can pick up on Facebook Marketplace for £30.

What I do think, though, is that if you are paying several hundred pounds for a smart trainer, there should be a free way of doing a small number of interval sessions without having to subscribe to yet another platform. I’m already overwhelmed by Netflix, Amazon, Apple Music, Spotify, Mob, Hulu, Pingu, Bloopi, Gurnr, Beepo, Shnurt… please, don’t make me enter my email just to ride a damn bike!

My solution? I’m going to buy a stopwatch and just use the Zona, combined with a notebook of handwritten sessions ripped off the internet. Actually, let’s be real, I’ll use the stopwatch app on my phone, but the image of a vintage stopwatch on my bars is hard to shake and deeply appealing. No more avatars, no more volcanoes, no more required updates before riding, no more firmware, no more Finnish men. Just me, a handful of buttons, and a brick wall. Bliss. Peace.