World cyclocross champion Fem van Empel has revealed that she considered walking away from cycling earlier this season after losing her enjoyment for racing and struggling with perfectionism.
The 23-year-old Dutch racer had taken a break from racing back in March, saying she needed to step back "for my mental health and wellbeing."
Van Empel last raced at the Trofeo Alfredo Binda on March 16 and wouldn't race again until September 14, where she returned at the French one-day race, La Choralis Fourmies Féminine.
Speaking to Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf this week, Van Empel spoke about her struggles, saying that she had "lost herself as a person" in recent years.
"I never really enjoyed that third world cyclocross title I won in Liévin earlier this year. People didn't know that I hadn't enjoyed the sport for a long time," Van Empel said.
"That was largely my own fault. My own perfectionism caused me to lose myself as a person, so that I only focused on what I was good at. I achieved a lot with that.
"I really researched everything in detail to do everything as well as possible – in terms of training, nutrition, rest. If I hadn't done one of those things perfectly, I wondered if I was ready. Looking back now, that's nonsense.
"I was more of an athlete than a person. And now I know: I am more than just Fem the cyclist. That period lasted about a year and a half to two years."
Van Empel said that she felt relief more than satisfaction after winning the cyclocross world title in 2023, but then asked herself, "And now what?"
She said that, during her break from racing, she "completely let go of cycling", going on long walks and eating ice cream she wouldn't allow herself normally.
"I just did whatever I felt like doing," Van Empel said. "People around me soon noticed that I had become more open and sociable.
"I also talked to other athletes who had gone through the same thing. That slowly made me realise that I had to stay true to myself. I started asking myself what I enjoy doing. The people who follow me know that I like baking, gardening, very normal things that I really enjoy."
In addition to the pressure she put on herself to perform, Van Empel also faced external pressure and opinions. She told De Telegraaf that "Giving an opinion is actually the easiest thing you can do. I don't think many people realise what that can do to a young athlete or anyone else."
Despite all the messages of congratulations and encouragement upon her racing successes, she still found it hard to ignore the negative reactions, she said.
"When you become world champion, you receive hundreds of congratulations, but there are always a few people who think it wasn't deserved. Then you remember those reactions, they have more influence, which is actually a shame."
Following her break from racing, Van Empel is ready to get back to it in the new cyclocross season. After La Choralis Fourmies Féminine, she finished third in the Dutch Gravel National Championships at the end of September.
She'll make her 2025-26 cyclocross debut at the Superprestige Ruddervoorde on Sunday in the rainbow stripes of world champion and will be aiming to pick up where she left off last year, when she took 11 wins, including the world and European titles.
"I realised that if I stopped now, I would have had a wonderful career with many great titles," Van Empel said. "But I'm not done yet.
"On Sunday, I'll be wearing that beautiful white jersey with stripes. I'm going to enjoy it immensely, which I may not have done enough in recent years. But luckily, I get to ride in the rainbow jersey for one more winter."
