American talks intimately about why he decided to confess to doping
Floyd Landis has responded to criticism of his scheduled appearance at the Deakin University’s 'New Pathways for Professional Cycling' conference during the world championships in Australia by publishing a revealing statement on the site of the event.
On Friday the organizing committee of the world championships withdrew its support for the conference in Geelong. Media director David Culbert told the Herald Sun newspaper: “Providing Floyd Landis with a soapbox to deliver a tirade like he did on the eve of the Tour of California is not something the world championship organisers want."
Landis has replied by explaining how he wishes to be a catalyst for change so that other riders can learn from his mistakes and won't have to face the same consequences.
"The conclusions reached and the learning taken away by me during that time (of the ban for doping) are now moving me to correct, to the extent possible, the effect of those decisions on others and to speak out in a manner so that today’s young and future professional and amateur athletes can learn from my choices and, hopefully, avoid the same painful consequences which I have suffered and which I continue to suffer today. In other words, like Deakin University, I too want to be a catalyst for positive change," Landis writes in the statement.
"My intention in participating in the conference is simple. By offering an inside perspective of an athlete confronted with decisions regarding the use of banned performance enhancing drugs, I hope to be able to contribute to a better understanding of how those decisions come to be made, and how athletes can be better supported by those in a position to facilitate better decisions and decision making, including owners, sponsors, doctors, directors, riders and fans."
"I have always loved racing my bicycle. For me, racing as a professional was a dream come true and it represented the culmination of years of very hard, very painful, dedicated work."
"Having felt those dreams collapse, having experienced the result of my work publicly evaporate and having subjected the sport I love to unnecessary criticism, I now must be of service and do what I can to help others avoid a similar fate. And it was with that intention, not one of scandal and attack as has been suggested by my critics, that I accepted Mr. Hardie’s invitation to participate in the conference."
"To be clear, I do not wish to use the conference as a 'soapbox,' nor do I wish to 'hijack' the world championships. I will not and cannot discuss events or circumstances related to the ongoing investigations and lawsuits involving Lance Armstrong and certain of his current and former business associates and teammates, including what I saw and heard during the relevant time periods."
"Indeed, the behavior and comments of the persons and organizations that seek to shut down the conference as a consequence of my participation demonstrate that they are interested only in selfishly perpetuating their own positions and purported authority at the expense of progressive reform and in total disregard of the sport’s long-term interests, including those of the riders and fans, which they are charged to protect."
In a footnote to the statement, Landis also explained in more personal terms, why he has now confessed to doping during his career. He also described attempts to discredit him as misguided and fear-driven by people who wish to "temporarily sustain a manufactured truth that does not square with reality of their life."
"I hope you can appreciate my effort here to footnote some of those conclusions and learning which provide important context to the discussions concerning my disclosures and their purpose, but which are not necessarily relevant to the purpose of this statement," Landis writes.
"The most important of these conclusions and learning are not cycling specific and appear to me now as common sense solutions to living at peace with oneself and the world; solutions to which I was blinded by a desire to win in a sport that all but requires its participants at the highest levels to disregard the rules in order to effectively compete."
"Attempting to create and sustain a truth that does not square precisely with one’s reality will always ultimately fail. The energy and efforts expended in that attempt are wasted and can never be recovered or recycled into more productive or fruitful personal or social endeavors. The emptiness and unease that results from such a waste create a rattle within that can only be quieted by ongoing efforts to live in integrity and truth, and one cannot permit their past mistakes and indiscretions to forever commit them to travel a road on which they are no longer comfortable. I’ve traveled that troubled road and the consequent pain remains fresh with me. Integrity and truth cannot be nuanced or partial. Truth is nothing if it is not complete, and the story of my life cannot truthfully be told if facts important to it are omitted such that the story continues to mislead. My decision to disclose the regular use of banned doping products by me and by others with whom I have been associated is simply part of my process to square all the realities of my life and to make amends to those other than myself that have also suffered as a consequence of my poor choices."
"Attempts by others to make that process into something other than I have described above, and to discredit my current efforts by pointing to my past mistakes (which I have acknowledged), simply represent their continuing, misplaced, misguided and fear-driven efforts to temporarily sustain a manufactured truth that does not square with reality of their life."
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