Dreaming of the Champs Elysées

I used to be one of them... you know the type. Heck, you might be the type: I read Cyclingnews each morning with my deep mug of premium organic coffee before setting off on my sexy titanium racing machine. I dreamed in watts, kilocalories, and beats per minute. I paid $15 extra for the Italian bottle cages that were 10g lighter. I took the stickers off my carbon rims. I did it all, folks… and just look at me now:

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